An urban (hectic?!) life of an interior designer

owh! dun get me wrong, i love sophie kinsella, i love becky…in all her shopaholic range…and her domestic goddess too….but now to me it seems i love the twenties girl the best!

the book is full of surprise that you would never thought it’ll be in the first place…it’s very pleasant & delightful…and as for the heroin….well, of course sophie kinsella has create  her so witty and dreamy and hillarious! I mean, even herself are full of surprise  too.

Sophie Kinsella….please make a seqeul for this book…I know it’ll be lots of fun! Please…please…please…! i really hope this book will make a great movie! just like the shopaholic…! I knew it sound lame, but I can’t help but imagine Isla Fisher as Lara!
I just think she’s perfect as any of Shophie’s heroine….

aku terasa sgt …kesepian..seolah2 aku kesorangan..walaupun aku di kelilingi ramai family yg tersayang….

so aku pun berjinak2 msk forum….tgk ader tak org yg senasib ngn aku…ramai sebenarnya..Alhamdulillah…dpt jugak aku pinjam kekuatan dorang…sebab bile aku cite kt dorang, they are all very supportive…sebab dorang rasa apa yg aku rasa…ini antara yg aku share kt forum tu dgn teman yg senasib….

“semenarnya sy tgh mc lagi…nex week br start keje….

semenarnya jugak, sy da stat keje 2 minggu lps….sy pun sm cam myluv…2 org bestfren sy kt pun opiz preggy….kitorang g cek up sama2…sy phm mcm mna rsnya dulu kita ngn bestfren hepi2 kita cite psl bb and suddenly we not….

ms 1st day sy keje pas cuti seminggu (dr. bg mc semiggu jer memula), bergenang mata sy tgk perut dorang makin bsr, tp sy kuatkan semangat psl tak nak dorang jauhkan diri dr sy….sy still hepi tgk dorang preggy n sy doakan dorang suma slamat bersalin..sy psn kt dorang jg diri n bb baik2..biar sy sorang jer merasa pahitnya kehilangan…

tp…walaupun org nmpk mcm kuat…bile time dpn pc…tetibe jer air mata slalu berlinang…pemurah sgt…tp sy thn esak tak bg org dgr….keje langsung tak bole fokus…mcm2 di fikiran, projek sy pun pas kt org lain…siap ckp kt bos, i need a break, i x bole pg site or meeting sbb i tak ready…i ckp kang ader yg dpn client tetibe nagis…

nasib baik dia phm..dia soh cool dn 2-3 bln..in fact dia appologize sbb sblm ni byk bergantung kt sy..(yer la, suma pojek na soh handle, aku lak jenis suka challenge.. accept je suma) tu la mslhnya…sy fikir sy tak reti cool dn…ms peknen pun kj overnite cam biasa….mayb thats y bos pun rs guilty….

so…br kje 2-3 ari da x lrt na keje..da la x fokus…ader dateline lak ari rabu..(sy kena rush jugak tu) sudahnya, ari khamis mc lagi…psl bdn still lemah, bleeding byk, rushing lak…ari jumaat trus bos soh amik mc lagi seminggu…

sblm tu besrfren sy ckp,sy ni kuat betul, psl bole dtg opiz lagi (dia mksdkan sanggup tgk dorang peknen) dia kt, kalo dia, mmg dia takkan dtg keje psl kt opiz ader 2 org lain peknen…

dlm hati aku pulak pk…kalo aku tak kuat semgt, takkan na putus kwn kot…hehehe terfikir gak siap na migrate suma…klakarkan..?”

hmmm….tah camne la agaknya aku na keje minggu dpn…pjm mata jer la…mt aku mmg sepet pun…

It was Sunday.

I woke up with a big smile on my face, knowing I’ll be seeing my bb that day, as it was my first antenatal check up as my pregnancy had reached 3 month.

I’m so excited, we even skipped breakfast that morning. As we reached Pusrawi medical centre, I waited patiently for my turn. I heard my name called and quickly rush to the doctor’s room. As I expected, it was dr. Zarina from Kohilal, ( I went there once for pregnancy advise), and we chat about my pregnancy.

And then…as I lay in the bed for baby scanning, I still wear that smiley face, until…

“I’m sorry…your baby didn’t grow…there’s no heart beat…”

For a moment…I was like… numb…tergamam…tetiba terasa ade kepulan awan di sekeliling ku…mcm bermimpi…and my mind went blank…. (this is my previous post: for a full story, kindly klik the above title – Tremendous loss)

So, there’s a first phase (well, I dont count crying as a phase, yet) denial.

Especially my husband (or maybe he just trying to comfort me) he insisted we go for a second opinion. But I can’t think at that time as all I remember was, for couple of days before I don’t have trouble going to toilet (yes, pregnancy coz you a lot of trouble in toilet). It occurred to me, maybe… that was a sign. A sign that I ignored. Another sign was, before that ( I cant remember when) I felt the pain in my stomach, and my ass too. Again, I ignored the sign. Actually more to comforting myself that is part of morning sickness or what so ever pregnancy problem….

And so, as i cried and cried and cried at home, I finally had the courage to called my mom, told her everything what happened. She said she wanted to come to me, instead I said I’l be at her’s. After a while as my head can think clearly, we went for a second clinic before heading to my mum’s. And the result is the same, I had lost my baby…

As Godwill, on the very same day,in the evening, I had my first bleeding. (Suhaila said it’s called spotting as it’s a line of blood) I cried when I saw it.  Now I really think this is a clear sign that my baby is gone…

Now, apart from sadness, I’m terrifying..should I do dnc or let it happen naturally…as I’m afraid if I dont do dnc, it will effect my future pregnancy, or God knows if it’ll become something else in me…cancer ker…nauzubillah!

So, after getting advise from my friend (Suhaila, she’s a gov dr. and she herself has experience of miscarriage) the next day we went to Hospital Selayang for an advise. It was comforting to know that it’s unnecessary to do dnc as the bb will definitely abort himself. Dr. said:

“Allah cipta kita ni sempurna, kalo bb tak sempurna, dia akan gugur sendiri, jadi tak perlu buat dnc pun tak per. Sy bg awk ms 2 minggu, kalo tak gugur jugak, baru dtg balik dan baru kita buat dnc”

And so I decided to wait….