An urban (hectic?!) life of an interior designer

It was Sunday.

I woke up with a big smile on my face, knowing I’ll be seeing my bb that day, as it was my first antenatal check up as my pregnancy had reached 3 month.

I’m so excited, we even skipped breakfast that morning. As we reached Pusrawi medical centre, I waited patiently for my turn. I heard my name called and quickly rush to the doctor’s room. As I expected, it was dr. Zarina from Kohilal, ( I went there once for pregnancy advise), and we chat about my pregnancy.

And then…as I lay in the bed for baby scanning, I still wear that smiley face, until…

“I’m sorry…your baby didn’t grow…there’s no heart beat…”

For a moment…I was like… numb…tergamam…tetiba terasa ade kepulan awan di sekeliling ku…mcm bermimpi…and my mind went blank…. (this is my previous post: for a full story, kindly klik the above title – Tremendous loss)

So, there’s a first phase (well, I dont count crying as a phase, yet) denial.

Especially my husband (or maybe he just trying to comfort me) he insisted we go for a second opinion. But I can’t think at that time as all I remember was, for couple of days before I don’t have trouble going to toilet (yes, pregnancy coz you a lot of trouble in toilet). It occurred to me, maybe… that was a sign. A sign that I ignored. Another sign was, before that ( I cant remember when) I felt the pain in my stomach, and my ass too. Again, I ignored the sign. Actually more to comforting myself that is part of morning sickness or what so ever pregnancy problem….

And so, as i cried and cried and cried at home, I finally had the courage to called my mom, told her everything what happened. She said she wanted to come to me, instead I said I’l be at her’s. After a while as my head can think clearly, we went for a second clinic before heading to my mum’s. And the result is the same, I had lost my baby…

As Godwill, on the very same day,in the evening, I had my first bleeding. (Suhaila said it’s called spotting as it’s a line of blood) I cried when I saw it.  Now I really think this is a clear sign that my baby is gone…

Now, apart from sadness, I’m terrifying..should I do dnc or let it happen naturally…as I’m afraid if I dont do dnc, it will effect my future pregnancy, or God knows if it’ll become something else in me…cancer ker…nauzubillah!

So, after getting advise from my friend (Suhaila, she’s a gov dr. and she herself has experience of miscarriage) the next day we went to Hospital Selayang for an advise. It was comforting to know that it’s unnecessary to do dnc as the bb will definitely abort himself. Dr. said:

“Allah cipta kita ni sempurna, kalo bb tak sempurna, dia akan gugur sendiri, jadi tak perlu buat dnc pun tak per. Sy bg awk ms 2 minggu, kalo tak gugur jugak, baru dtg balik dan baru kita buat dnc”

And so I decided to wait….